Answering Machine Messages




Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really
enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message, and when
we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

Hi, this is John. If you are the phone company, I've already sent the
money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough
money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

Hi, I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us

(Sexy female voice with heavy panting).. Hi, you've reached 555-3456. John is in... (sigh) Oh no, he's out... (aah) Yes,
he's in again... (ooh) No he's
out... (aah) Why don't you just leave your name and number and he'll call you as soon as he...comes.

You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they
really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge
to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call
me...



You have reached 934-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to leave a
message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work.



Computer style monotone: Hello, I am the XS486 Mark Five answering machine. I am equipped with the new Pentium
processor to assure that nothing can go wrong... Gowrong... Grong.. Grong gronggronggrongBEEP



(MacIntosh Plus with MacIntalk program:) Hello, it's obvious you have bad timing, because nobody is home. Please
leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message in a voice similar to mine, and your call will be returned as
soon as humanly possible